Coping in Chaos

I should preface this post by saying that I am not a doctor or a psychologist, and everything I'm about to present here is anecdotal or personal. Though many people have come to me relating their struggles with my own, I am acutely aware that everybody suffers differently, with varying degrees of severity.

Thus far, everything I've written has been about raising awareness. Talking about topics that affect me personally, and my reactions to them as someone with an anxiety disorder. My goal was and is to make people aware of how my disorder makes myself and others react to everyday scenarios.

I'm about to say the thing that most anxiety sufferers don't enjoy hearing: getting therapy was what helped me get my head straight. Why wouldn't an anxiety sufferer want to hear this? Because it involves admitting you have a problem, that you can't cope and you need help. That feels like giving in to all the negative thoughts in our head. As though we're not strong enough to keep up the fight by ourselves. It also involves using a telephone to talk to people, having to be open an honest, and having to go outside, out of our comfort zones - even when that comfort zone is a place of self doubt and suffering.

Now I want to be abundantly clear - my anxiety is not 'cured.' It is still with me. But the techniques I've learned in therapy have helped me to identify triggers and symptoms, as well as to mitigate and sometimes even overcome moments where my anxiety would otherwise overwhelm me.
The techniques I've learned are part of a process called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Ultimately CBT stipulates that anxiety is a learned behaviour, a mental 'trap' if you will, whereby anxiety and paranoia become a standardised reaction to any given situation. CBT is a form of psychotherapy to challenge negative thought patterns, and replace them with healthier mental self-care. Boiling it down? It starts by being kinder to yourself.

Let's take an easy example. Anxiety will tell us we can't achieve a particular task, thoughts telling us we are unworthy or incapable, that the task is too difficult for us etc etc. CBT starts by classing this as a 'worry.' As part of my therapy, I was asked to keep a "worry diary," identifying the things that tended to upset my anxieties.
The next step is to assess whether or not these 'worries,' our anxious concerns, are practical or hypothetical. A practical worry is one for which there are definite, attainable solutions. A hypothetical worry is one whereby we remain paranoid, and become trapped in the negative thought cycles of 'what ifs.'

Through recognising what particular worries would flare up my anxiety, I was then able to recognise which of these common anxious thoughts were concerns with practical solutions, and which were purely hypothetical. Perhaps unsurprisingly, I found that the vast majority of my worries may have started as practical, but the extent to which my anxiety warped them took them firmly into the hypotheticals!

A signifant emphasis of CBT is to rewire our psychology. Where once a thought would strike up a negative, self destructive thought process, we start to learn to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. This comes down to something as simple as 'being kind to yourself.'
Anxiety is like a parasite, hidden and toxic, it'll do everything it can to sustain itself and the bare minimum to keep the host alive. But we can kill it with kindness. Overruling our self-defeating anxious thoughts, with self praise and recognition of our achievements and skills. This is extremely difficult. For me, this process started with just trying to make myself laugh and smile more. Cute puppy or baby gifs, wholesome and affirmative memes etc. Or even just allowing myself to feel genuinely proud of my accomplishments.

Outside of CBT, there are other valuable methods to help train our brain. Much of which is tied to mindfulness, the recognition and awareness of our thoughts, and the moments where we are calm or passive.

Meditation. What shocked me most was when meditation was literally prescribed to me by my doctor, as part of my treatment. The medical and psychological benefits of meditation are now scientifically varified. No longer can we relegate the practice of meditation to "Eastern mysticism."
I practice meditation through an app. The best way I can describe it is like a defragging for your brain. It is not "clearing your mind," more like scrubbing it clean. Meditation is a skill, a discipline like any other, whereby we analyse our own psychology and become better doing so over time.
Meditation teaches us both to focus intently on a specific thought or feeling, as well as how to consciously let go, allowing our thoughts to wash over us and through us. Sounds good, right? I promise you, this skill can be learned.
I learnt using the Headspace app. The value of dedicated meditation for an anxiety sufferer cannot be overstated.

Equally too, we can find 'moments of meditation' during focused task oriented activities.
Many athletes, particularly practitioners of extreme sports, will talk about something called "flow state."
Flow State is the term given to the sensation of total 'in the moment-ness.' When we act on a near instinctive level, without actively putting thought into achieving our goals. This sensation is pure nirvana, rare, near unattainable, but utterly blissful.
We can achieve flow state through many means. It is deeply personal, tied to our own passions and hobbies. It can be the perfect run on a snowboard, total focus on writing, building a Lego model, running, fishing, being in nature, painting, sculpting, skateboarding, jamming on an instrument, singing, playing a videogame, driving, wood carving - - we each of us have a particular passion or hobby that we can achieve flow state in. It is so desirable, that some people attempt to experience it through substance abuse.

Make no mistake - there are just as many unhealthy coping mechanisms than there are positive ones. Drugs and alcohol, over or under eating, self harm, violence, suicidal tendacies... All of these are coping mechanisms too. I term each of these negative coping mechanisms as 'void fillers.' Something to fill the hole left by our anxiety and depression. For when we become so conflicted, and we feel our emotional rollercoasters so strongly, any escape is frequently preferable to the barrage of noise in one's own isolated mind.
Do you drink too much coffee? Do you spend too many hours playing World of Warcraft? It's likely that you're desperately seeking a form of escapism from your own mind. Be cautious of how impactful these behaviours can be on yourself and those around you.

Thanks for reading.