Escape From the City

Undoubtedly, everybody feels the need to just get away from it all. Maybe for an hour, maybe for a year. But we all feel the need to escape sometimes. 

How we choose to escape the stresses of reality happens in numerous ways. Sometimes it's a glass of wine or a cold beer after your day at work, other times it's sinking a few hours into a videogame. Even going to the gym or exercising otherwise can be an escape from the struggles of our lives.

It tends to be that the greater the stress we are feeling, the bigger the need is to remove oneself from it. 

In my case, I'm currently planning what some would consider to be pretty dramatic escapism, by literally taking myself to the other side of the planet. Several friends of mine who are equally upset with our current employer are also seeking this solution. There's more to it than simply "getting away," of course, but ultimately, physically distancing oneself from the struggles of our lives is extremely positive for our mental health. For most of us, we call this a holiday. But how does one take a holiday from their own mind? 

I've mentioned many times before that one of the greatest struggles with anxiety is that of questioning the authenticity of my thoughts. Am I rightfully pissed off with work, or is this an overreaction based on my all of my anxieties and negative "what if" speculations? 

In the this current instance, it is extremely reassuring to me that it's not just myself recognising the issues with our current employer, but many others as well. 

My struggle with anxiety has lead to a life that I would have previously described as filled with me "running away." Typically, my doing that involves one of two things - either total immersion in a new videogame, usually a fantasy or sci-fi themed RPG, or it's me planning a trip abroad. 

In the case of videogames, when I talk about total immersion, I really mean it. Whatever game I decide to commit to will completely capture my imagination: my thoughts filled with the visuals, the soundscapes, music, locales and characters of the setting. 

If the game is particularly special to me, it tends to be something that is at the forefront of my mind, so that whenever I'm not playing I end up feeling like all I want to do is be back in that world. Real life becomes a chore, an obligation, something I have to power through until I can get the controller back in my hand. 

Once upon a time, I'd have looked back at this almost obsessive behavior and seen it entirely as a negative thing. But what I should be seeing is the postive here. What a staggering testament to the developers of a game it is for me to feel that way. How talented the production team is to create a world that I want to spend every waking minute in. This is my way of recognising excellence. It doesn't happen particularly often, and it certainly doesn't happen for every game I play, but it's a kind of escapism that I really enjoy. 

Some of the experiences I've had over my lifetime of playing games have literally shaped me into the person I am today. Final Fantasy is responsible for many of my ideals about love, companionship, courage, compassion, wanderlust and strength. It's probably best not to get me started on the magnificence of Final Fantasies VII, VIII and IX. I will sing the praises of these absolute masterpieces until the day I die. 

Wanting to explore the galaxy as Commander Shepherd from Mass Effect isn't all that different from my desire to explore my own reality; to visit exotic locations, see spectacular sights, learn new skills and make new friends. 

I'd even go so far as to say that the early Tomb Raider games helped me recognise that women are just as badass as men, despite how grossly oversexualised Lara Croft was back then. Lara is responsible for a big part of my feminist streak. 

Guitar Hero helped me explore and expand my music tastes in way I'd never thought possible. 

I could very easily write an essay on the way that videogames have influenced who I am as a person. 

Recently, I spent I good chunk of my day discussing travelling with a friend of mine. She also is very keen to explore and visit exotic locations, to see and experience as many different things as possible. She wants adventure in her life just as much as I do. That's an intensely powerful motivator for the both of us, but so-called "reality" frequently gets in the way of us building plans to travel. Finances, the pressures of finding a partner and settling down, the desire to own a house, the need for stability and all the other concerns that comes with adulthood. 

I don't want to do it the way "they" tell me too. I was never meant for 9-5 sat in front of a computer screen, moving data around only to be replaced by an algorithm in the next five to ten years. I was never meant to be bogged down by the myriad 'what if' anxieties that adult life throws at us day after day. 

One week a year is not adventure enough for me. I have a lifetime of creative compulsions and an overwhelming desire to see and do as much as I can. Life is too short and too precious for me to give in to that pressure. 

I have to be realistic, of course. Wherever I go, I take my anxiety with me. But folks, believe me when I tell you that openness, friendship, mindfulness and disciplined practice of cognitive behavioural therapy has helped me get so much of a better handle on it this year. That very same friend and I also discussed plans of supporting each other and working together as a team to fuel our passions for travel. I want to harness that. I want to take my love of snowboarding, my love of visiting new places and my love of writing around the world.

So how do I take a holiday from my mind? I'm starting to feel like maybe I don't need to anymore. My mind has enabled me to travel the world solo, to become an experienced snowboard instructor and to grade for a 3rd dan black belt in Taekwon-do. It's time for me to recognise all the positives I've achieved and harness that. Turn it into my primary driving force. 

So let's go on an adventure together. 

Thanks for reading.